Saturday, 10/2 -- Would you like to Supersize that?

Today I feel pretty good. I think I slept much better last night than any night this week. Gee, I wonder why.

I can't wait to see how much stronger I feel at this point next week. I suspect that I might even be up for taking walks around the neighborhood. Crazier things have happened.

After my surgeries, I recovered my strength much faster than this. As I remember, I was taking short walks within two weeks of surgery. Each day I would go a little further. Within 4 weeks of surgery I was walking a few miles a day.

The weakness from chemo feels so much different. The weakness isn't based on weak muscle, rather weak blood. I hope that through exercise I can help build my blood, I don't know if it works that way.

My muscle tone is also pretty poor, but that can change pretty quickly.

I'm not planning on winning the Tour de France anytime soon. There'll be plenty of time for that next year and the year after. I'm looking more short term. I want to be able to go grocery shopping, mow the lawn and return to work. It's not too much to ask.

Different Topic
Movie Recommendation: Super Size Me
It's a documentary about a healthy man that decides to eat McDonald's food three times a day for a month. His experiment tests the claim by McDonald's that their food is healthy. The results are surprising.

It's a very entertaining movie.

2nd entry for 10/1 - Results from today's appointment

Yes, the hurricane passed 100 miles to the north. The pink flamingos have gone missing and there's now a strange garden gnome embedded in the tree. Where did it come from?

What the heck and I talking about?

In short: Results from the CT Scan, PET Scan, Bone Scan, X-Rays and blood work show that my liver is clean, my lungs have "improved" and there is a lot of activity around my pelvis. (Sounds fresh, doesn't it?)

BODY: There is no evidence of ANY new tumor growth anywhere throughout my body.

LIVER: Results of the scans show no signs cancer on my liver. At least that's what I interpreted from him saying "clean."

LUNGS: Scans show my lungs are "improved as compared to the last scan in July." There were "baby tumors" visible in my lungs in July, but now there are only some enlarged lymph nodes visible. Why they are enlarged is up for further review.

BONES: Bone Scan showed activity around my pelvis. Bone scans don't show tumors, they show bone growth. It could be that my bones are growing, healing themselves. OR The PET Scan showed the same activity around my pelvis and spine. PET scans show tumor activity. It is possible that the cancer is still active in these areas. OR I've been getting injections to stimulate my bone marrow to produce new blood cells. The bones could be showing activity in the PET scan because the bone marrow is stimulated.

BLOOD: My blood counts have improved, but are still far below "normal" counts. This is normal at this point in my recovery from chemo. My calcium levels are normal. If tumors were eating at my bones (as before), my calcium levels would be very high. This is another encouraging sign.

SO WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
My Doctor will consult again with the radiologist to try and get more conclusive answers. If they conclude that the cancer is indeed active, my doctor will consult with Dr Einhorn, the NCI, the NIH and others to seek suggestions for further treatment. We hope to learn more by next week.

Another important thing we discussed is my lack of strength. Before any further treatment begins, I need to get stronger. I can't fight this thing if I continue to be in a weakened state. One of my fears was that he was going to recommend that a new chemo regime should start on Monday. I'm very happy that it's not the case.

I feel as though 100 red-assed monkeys have been lifted from my back.

Friday, 10/1 - Doctor Hurricane

I'll write more in a little while, but for now I'll say that the storm passed 100 miles to the north.

Read yesterday's entry to understand the analogy.

I feel better than I have in a week.

2nd entry for today -- Raisins: Demon Seeds or Wrinkled Heaven??

I had previously put raisins on my "do not eat" list and promised that I'd follow up with some info. I've been reading and researching the subject, and here are my unscientific results:

Grapes (future raisins) are one of the most pesticide-treated crops. They are also one of the toughest to wash away the pesticide residue. Grapes actually absorb many of the chemicals sprayed upon them.

When they are dried to make raisins, the chemicals are concentrated. AND, the raisins are again treated with pesticides and other chemicals to promote a longer shelf life.

Organically grown raisins are supposedly free from all the chemical additives. So they are good. Yum.

from: http://www.whfoods.com/
Raisins and Pesticides
Even though pesticides are present in food at very small trace levels, their negative impact on health is well documented. The liver’s ability to process other toxins, the cells’ ability to produce energy, and the nerves’ ability to send messages can all be compromised by pesticide exposure. Individuals wanting to avoid these health risks may want to avoid consumption of raisins unless grown organically, since grapes (from which raisins are made) are among the 20 foods on which pesticide residues have been most frequently found.

You be the judge.

Thursday, 9/30 - Shark constructed of "gummy"

I suppose I know a little bit about how it feels to live in Florida.

They tell you that a wildly destructive hurricane is headed your way, but they don't know exactly where it will hit. It could swerve to the north or south, missing you completely. It could skirt by a 100 miles away causing your garage to lose some shingles and your plastic pink flamingo to go missing. Or it could plow right into you and destroy everything you've known and loved in your life.

The only thing you know is WHEN it's due to hit. How to prepare is anybody's guess.

Tomorrow morning we're going to meet with Dr. Hurricane. The predicted path is about 100 miles to the north. A complete miss is possible. I'm dreading the direct hit.

There's really no way to prepare for tomorrow. Since so little is known about Sertoli, and I have no idea what my condition is. That's not a good starting point for a research project.

Mind you, I'm going tomorrow with an open mind and a list of questions that I expect to be answered. Nothing has to be decided tomorrow.

I'm spending most of today trying not to dwell on it. If I let myself run with it, I could come up with a million different things the doctor will say tomorrow. Maybe none of them would be true. It's pointless to play that game.

Come'on you witch doctor, sprinkle some leeches on me and let me get on with my life.

I'm Eric Chesna and I approved this message.

The Rare and Dangerous Gummy Shark.

Wednesday, 9/29 - I've been trying to eliminate sugar from my diet, so what do they do....?

FYI: I'm reposting the blog entries from my original, no frills format. I'm surprised at the number of requests for these old postings. I didn't think anyone was actually reading this blog, let alone rereading old entries.

Today's PET Scan went off without a hitch. I actually fell asleep in the scanning tube.

PET Scans are different in that they take longer than other scans. They strap you in with large Velcro straps so you don't move, and ask you to lay perfectly still for 45 minutes. It's worth it though because this scan will show us good info.

They injected me with radioactive sugar and waited for it to distribute through my body. Tumors are hungry, greedy bastards, demanding lots of your body's resources. They want to grow and spread, and that requires energy in the form of sugar.

In the scan, they look for where the radioactive sugar is being concentrated in the body. Tumors light up like fireflies on Three Mile Island.

It all went well today. We're meeting with the doctor on Friday to talk about all the results and "the next step" in treatment.

I'm more tired than usual today, plus I don't feel well in a general way. Maybe it's the radioactive crap, or maybe it's the stress, or maybe a combination of 1,000 different things.

Mentally I'm either mellow or numb. Don't know which.

On a different note, here's a picture of a monkey with a large red ass.

Tuesday, 9/28 - What's next, a DOG Scan?

Yesterday I had my CT Scan and bone scan.

For the CT Scan (or Cat Scan), I had to drink a bottle of barium dye. Half a bottle the night before and the other half in the morning. It looks like a combination of Elmer's glue and a McDonald's milkshake, and it takes like Tang.

But wait, there's more.

They also inject me with a contrast agent during the scan to make things stand out more. The side effect of this is a warm feeling around your neck and groin. They tell you that you'll feel as though you've just wet your pants, but don't worry, it's just a sensation.

Thank you, may I have another?

The bone scan isn't much different. They inject you with a radioactive dye which takes two hours for your body to distribute. After two hours you come back and they do a very slow and quiet full body scan. Pretty painless. However, I do mind being injected with dyes and radioactive substances. It's a pet peeve of mine.

Today we go for more blood work and an injection. Lyn doesn't get an injection, just me.

Tomorrow is the PET Scan. More radioactive injections, more two hour waits and more laying around in a tube.

We won't get any results until Friday. That's when all the results have come in and the doctor will have had a chance to review everything. As I've said in previous blog postings, I want to know and I don't want to know.

I'll be stressing more about this in blog entries in the next few days.

My left thumb has been twitching since last night. Naturally, I have thumb cancer.

In other news, Lyn made a delicious stew yesterday that included a rutabaga in the ingredients. Neither of us ever knowingly ate one before. The stew was wonderful, but the jury is still out on the rutabaga.

whole foods failure

Our trip to the Whole Foods market was a big failure. I was too weak to even make it through the produce section. I'm just a shell of myself.

I keep talking about feeling stronger every day. And I do. But even on my best days I'm operating at about 40% of my former self. I used to be strong enough to take care of me and my wife. Now I can't even take care of myself. I wish I could clench my fists and grit my teeth and explode from this trap. My old self is burried in here somewhere. I've lost the old eric and don't know how to get him back.

Sunday, 9/26 - That little itch could be telling you something... that you have cancer.

Doing OK today. Will be making a rare adventure outside the house today to do some food shopping. Gotta eat.

Last night and today are turning out to be stressful and worrisome. I am not looking forward to this week of tests and scans. Yes, it will let us know how much effect the chemo had on my condition. That info is what we've been waiting for.

It will also be the first real glimpse of my cancer since July. Up till now we've been going by blood work and gauging how I felt. I want to know, and I don't want to know.

I don't want to have to be put in a position where I have to make a serious decision about further treatment. I know I will eventually need to, but I don't want to do it this soon, while I'm still feeling weak. It is very important to me to get back to my "regularly scheduled life" for a while. If only for a while. I'm tired of sitting on the sidelines while watching everyone else play.

Once you have been touched by cancer, everything becomes cancer. Every pimple, every sore muscle, every unexplained twitch... it's all cancer. There's no shaking that notion. After 12 weeks of chemo, I have 100,000 side effects bouncing through my body. They're all cancer. This week's tests are just going to confirm it.

I know it's a silly way to think, but believe me, it's impossible not to. Just ask anyone that's been touched by cancer.