Saturday, 1/15 - My back is back to being a jerk. I didn't hurt myself this time.

After all the things I said about being happy about the steroid levels coming down... my back decided to freak-out.

Coming home from work on Thursday night I was walking to the parking garage. My back started to hurt so badly I was beginning to think that I wasn't going to make it to the car three blocks away. Severe spasms were shooting up and down my back, but they were mostly centered at the same spot where I injured myself a few weeks ago.

I was sweating. I was grunting. I was holding onto each building as I passed. I couldn't stand up straight. I prayed that no one would bump into me. I was scared.

Funny thing, though, the further I walked, the better I felt. I did deep breathing exercises to relax the muscles. I whimpered.

I eased into the car and had a nice gingerly ride home. Once I was on the couch, I barely moved. I had a bout of stubbornness and tried to prepare dinner. Lyn insisted that I go lay down, but nnnooooooOOOOOOOooooo, I have to keep pushing myself. I did hit the couch again and Lyn prepared us some delicious omelets.

Later, I gathered up enough courage to go up to bed.
Up the stairs ok. Very slowly.
Into the bathroom ok. Tried to brush my teeth.... not happening.

The wave of spasms and blinding pain began and I barely made it into bed. Lyn was obviously very upset at my extreme display. There was nothing she could do to help me, and I couldn't talk to tell her anything.

It was awful.

I eventually did relax, once I took a number of goofballs.

I didn't leave the bed at all on Friday. No exaggeration. I did not, could not, get out of bed. After several consultations with the oncology team, they decided to raise the steroid level again, as well as for me to take more goofballs.

If the pain was to get worse... emergency room.
If my limbs went numb... emergency room.
etc

Today I am up and around. Apparently the changing levels of the steroid was the cause of, and solution to, my back problems. Right now I feel as good as I did on Tuesday.

The change between Thursday night and Saturday afternoon was extreme.

It was just enough to keep me very uneasy about my continued recovery. How many more episodes like this are going to blindside me each week? Are they going to get worse, meaning more intense and painful?

One axiom holds true. You never remember the pain.
You never forget the fact that you were IN pain, but the actual pain itself fades from your memory. That is a gift.

Thursday, 1/13 - Yes, I'll have some bananas, I'll have some bananas today.

One thing I forgot to mention in yesterday’s blog entry: They not only changed the flavor of steroid I'm taking, but they lowered the overall dosage level.

I’m back on Prednisone. I’m happy about that. It’s a good, solid drug. Like the other steroid, it does have its side effects, but the side effects seem to be milder.

Our Adrenal glands produce steroids in our bodies naturally. When we take supplemental steroids, these glands sense the level in our blood and they stop producing. At least that’s how I understand it works. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.

Anyway, I’m much happier to know that we’re headed in the direction of letting my body do its job and make some natural steroids. I don’t want the adrenal glands to think that they’re not needed anymore. They have to get back to work.

There will be no gold bricking glands in this body.

In other news, I am having an obsession with cereal and bananas. Every morning I have a bowl, and it’s become almost as important to me as that first cup of coffee. I don’t know what it is, but it is striking me in just the right way.

Whole Foods brand granola, muesli and organic raisins.
Kashi brand shredded wheat and other flavors
Cheerios – I used to hate Cheerios. They are actually very good things.
Organic milk – more expensive, but wait till you taste the difference!
Bananas, gotta have bananas.

Bananas are actually on the “NO” list for the macrobiotic diet. Why? Because they are a tropical fruit. The thought is that all your fruits and veggies should be locally grown. I agree with the theory, but just try and find locally grown fresh veggies and fruit in January. It’s not an option. Macrobiotics can be impractical at best.

I used to love that Honey Bunches of Oats. I used to eat that almost exclusively. But then I read the ingredients. Hydrogenated is the one word that stopped me. The other was sugar. I think palm kernel oil was in there too.
There is no need for that crap to be in cereal.
So there is no need to put that crap into me.

The less processed the food the better.

Wednesday, 1/12 -- Medical Update – So what’s going on?

Tuesday’s weekly doctor’s appointment went pretty well. Some interesting things came out of the day.

Blood Work: My platelets and my hemoglobin both went down a little, but nothing to be alarmed about. These levels are expected to go down while getting chemo bug juice. They are still at “strong” levels.

Weight: I’m now at 192 pounds. The most I’ve weighed in months. This is a great sign, I think, because I’ve been eating so much these past three weeks. All that rich holiday food. All the extra helpings due to the steroids. I’d be worried if I didn’t gain a few pounds.

Chemo: I didn’t get juiced this week! The doctor and NP decided that since I’m getting a CAT Scan on Wednesday and my blood levels are a little down this week... we’ll change the parameters of the cycle.

Here’s what’s going on.

I’m now going to be following a Two Week ON, One Week OFF cycle. So my week off came a week early.
The CAT Scan I had today will be evaluated for next Tuesday. Depending on the results, the chemo treatment may need to be adjusted or changed. They want me as “clean of chemo” as possible so we can get started on the new stuff... if necessary.

One BIG DEAL that needs to be pointed out here is that the chemo treatments are being adjusted DOWN because I am doing so freaking well. My clinical signs, physical signs and mental signs all point toward an overall positive response to the therapy.

I am not showing any new symptoms, nor am I demonstrating any signs of “bad stuff”.

Yes, I am dealing with the daily side effects that I’ve mentioned before.
Yes, my back still hurts, but is getting better. Slowly.
I do experience pain and discomfort in my hips/pelvis region due to the original tumors back in July. That hasn't changed.
Fatigue and weakness are a part of my daily existence.

I’m still a sick little monkey, but everything seems to be progressing positively.

I had my CAT Scan this morning. I love having to drink the contrast dye and then be injected with radioactive dye. It’s wonderful. The results will be ready on Tuesday.

The focus of the scan is my lungs. The last scan, a few months ago, showed what might be new growth... but they weren’t sure. Too small to tell. They will look to see what has changed.

During the weekly appointments, they give special attention to my breathing. They all listen to my lungs as I do deep breaths. In, and out. In, and out.
They never find anything to worry about.

Also, the chest X-Ray I had when I was hospitalized before New Years was also clean.

I almost hate to be sharing all this good news before the results of the CAT Scan. Those are the results that will have meaning for my future. All this other stuff is circumstantial evidence, the real, solid info is yet to come.

I just can’t help but be excited.

And now something completely different:
I saw a Scion xA on the road yesterday. It is just about the cutest little hatchback car I’ve seen in a long time. I want to put it in my pocket.

Monday, 1/10 -- I also turn green and bumpy when I watch the Tony Danza Show

Last week the doctors lowered my dose of daily steroids. Apparently it takes a while for the steroid levels to build, one pill isn’t going to do it. So we’re talking cumulative effects from long tern usage. Good effects and bad effects.

I’ve shared with you some of the joys of steroids: increased mental sharpness, lack of headaches, reduced back pain. I’ve also been experiencing the down side of the ‘roids: restlessness, increased appetite (I’ve been ravenous), puffiness and super-human strength. Actually, no super-human anything. My ability to melt cheese with my mind has also been hampered.

So this past week the ‘roids have been decreasing in my blood, and I feel the difference. Even though I liked how they made me feel, I’m thankfully feeling more like myself again.

Since I’m doing generally well, I suspect that tomorrow they’ll reduce the dose again.

I can almost imagine a day when I won’t have to take any kind of drug.

Incidentally, this week is week three of the current chemo cycle. Tomorrow will be the last bag of bug juice and Friday will be my last goofball. I don’t know what’s planned for after that.

Wednesday morning I’m having a CAT Scan to answer that question. The results of the scan may not be available until next week.

Despite the fact that I’m doing very well with the treatments and I have no new symptoms to be concerned about.... I’m still going to be stressed and worried until we get the blasted results.

So it goes.

Sunday, 1/9 -- Can you deep fry a parsnip?

These past few weeks I had made a conscious decision about my diet. I decided that I was going to let the holiday season feed me with all the good, bad and ugly foods that came my way.

This holiday season didn't disappoint.

I think I may have surprised a lot of people by eating so "badly". Especially since I spent so much time and energy reading, researching, experimenting and pontificating the Whole Foods/Natural Foods diet.

I have abandoned nothing from that philosophy. I am committed to changing my diet to include nothing but the best foods that the Earth can provide.

All this being said, I will NEVER allow myself to be the one person at a party that turns my nose at the party food. I will never attend a dinner and refuse to eat what was prepared. And I will never be the difficult guest that you have to prepare a special menu for.

I will, however, make discrete choices from restaurant menus. Choose some foods over others. Maybe limit myself to one serving. Stuff like that.

I never want to be rude, and I never want to refuse food. I'm too much of a glutton.

The holiday junk food feast is now over. Spinach dip, sausages, cookies, cake, doughnuts, pizza, wings, French fries, lunchmeat, salad dressings and assorted meat dishes. This is just a partial list of the foods that will be retired from my diet until the next "special occasion."

Until that time, I am seriously hungry for nothing but the best fruits, veggies and other organic, quality food I can find. (Yes, that will include seafood, limited dairy and a little meat.)

Dare I say that I'm been looking forward to experimenting with rutabagas again? I'll bet they are wonderful deep-fried with bacon.

I'll end my rant today with the perspective that I'm believing more and more:
Any meal can be healthy, feeding the mind, body and spirit, when it's prepared with love.