Friday, 3/3 - Back at the computer.

Thank you for all the wonderful notes, stories, e-mails, visits and cards. I am literally overwhelmed. I haven’t kept up with the blog these past few days because I didn’t even know where to begin.

I never knew that by sharing my experience with cancer would touch so many other lives. Maybe I’m kind of a thick headed dolt at times. Not seeing the forest for the trees, as they say.

All the love I’ve seen these past few months is amazing. It overshadows the disease. The pain and suffering is not as sharp as it could have been. It continues to help me deal with what might be coming down the path.

I’ve saved every e-mail I’ve gotten from y’all. I reread them often. I can’t reply to all, and I feel bad about that. I want you to know that I am reading them and taking their strength.

In health news
My hospital bed is wonderfully comfortable. They have an air mattress on the the top which makes me feel like I’m floating.
All my meals continue to go through the feeding tube. No problems there.
Weakness continues to be a problem, but that’s part of it all.
I’m too weak to climb stairs, so its good to have the bed on the first floor.

Overall, I’m stable.

Time for rest.

Tuesday, 3/1 -- I'm still the same schmoe I've always been.

I haven’t yet turned into a medical boogeyman. I’m not a scary looking shell of a human being. I’m still just Eric.

I’m much skinnier than before, but I’m no where near thin enough to pursue my life-long dream of being a runway model for Calvin Klein. He called me a fat pig.

So when you do see me, you needn’t brace yourself thinking that you’ll be looking at a famine victim.

I don’t have a tree of IV fluids hanging around me. Not a single IV bag. The feeding tube is hidden under my shirt. You can look at it if you’d like. I get squeamish, but the tube doesn’t bother me at all. It shouldn’t bother you either.

Depending on what day you see me, I may smell a little. I can’t shower everyday. But I’m not a stinky person to begin with, as far as I know. If I stink, we’ll light a candle.

We have food and adult beverages in the house specifically bought for you, our guests and visitors. So you can stay a while, have a snack, get drunk… whatever you feel.

I can’t talk above a whisper, so conversations have to be mostly one sided. That’s no big deal. I have a dry erase board for when I have a lot to say. Lyn also translates my voice for me.

All that wacky hospital equipment I came home with is off. I haven’t needed it.

If I have to pee while you’re visiting, it’s no big deal. We just kick everyone into the kitchen while I fill my vase. While in the kitchen, it’s a good time to take advantage of all that food I mentioned before. (By the way, you can eat in front of me. It doesn’t bother me.)

A great way to spend time with us is to watch a movie. We have a very nice TV and DVD system. Bring along your own movies, or chose from our collection.

The point is that I’m still me. I’m not what I used to be, but it’s still me. And Lyn has become the new Wonder Woman for this millennium. You will be blinded by the light and power that radiates from her hair, skin and eyes. You’ll marvel at her beauty and her presence. If you find her all-too-distracting, we have filtered sunglasses to help in that respect.

Oh yeah, we also have three cats. Prepare your allergies.

Hope to see you.
Just give a call to the house before heading out.
I hate to make things difficult, but I won’t give out our phone number here. E-mail me if you need it.

Monday, 2/28 -- Puree that cherry cheesecake please.

Today we have begun to experiment with various kinds of foods that will be good to go into the feeding tube. All liquids are good, but Ensure is not what I want to be living off of until I get better. Good, rich broths and creamy soups can be great for the tube. So can all types of no-pulp juices.

Melted ice cream is a good high calorie drink too.

The only thing we have to be careful of is carbonation and things with solid chunks floating about. Can’t clog the tube or give me excess gas.

Sure, I can’t taste any of it. But I do want more of a balanced diet. I could probably start taking all kinds of crazy vitamins since I don’t have to swallow them. Chug down vat after vat of Omega 3 fish oil. Cold green tea out the whaazoooooo.

General health issues:
Headaches are gone
Numbness in the extremities
Blurry vision is getting worse.
Weakness is progressing. (The stairs take everything out me, for example)
I spend most of my day in the hospital bed. I can’t stand without help and close supervision.
Breathing and coughing are about the same. The coughing is actually a little improved but it still brings up all sorts of ugly things from my throat.

Thank you all for the many e-mails of support. They do help. I just wish my voice would return because there are so many people out there I want to talk to. I would like to have a Steven Hawking Style Voice synthesizer on the computer. That would be fun and creepy at the same time.

Bye for now.

Sunday, 2/27 -- One of those $5 milkshakes would be good. I wouldn'd taste it, though.

It has been a very good couple of days, believe it or not. Our families have all come into town to see me and each other. John from Ohio, Scott and Denise from Utah, Janice from Dunmore PA and Wally and Pat from Warren Center, upstate PA.

Dare I call it a party atmosphere? Not quite, but it is great seeing everyone.

Health Update
Really nothing has changed dramatically. No new pains or symptoms. Morphine at night has been helping me sleep. Lyn’s been feeding me through my feed hole. I even take a cup of coffee through it.

I can’t taste any thing that comes through the tube, it all goes directly into my stomach. Cold water feels wonderful. It feels like when you take in a large glass of water on a warm summer day.

The doctor that installed the tube joked the we could do shots through the tube. I don’t know how much she was joking. I certainly wouldn’t put anything good down there like a single malt scotch. It’s all about the taste.

And no, putting food in my mouth for flavor and spitting it out won’t work either. It would generate too much saliva and cause a coughing fit.

So what do I eat via tube? Ground up pills, liquid meds, water, coffee, ensure. That’s about it. A much duller culinary experience than I’m used too. You’d think that it would be torture for me not to eat anymore, especially the way I’ve written about food here and our recipe blog. But no. I’m taking it all in stride.

I cried like a little sissy baby girl piglet BEFORE the operation, but not since.

It’s not that bad, all things considered. I could have had to have one of those feeding tubes you see going up people’s noses and down their throats. That would have been awful.

In other around the house news: Charcoal the cat has taken to sleeping on my feet on the hospital bed. She’s such a good cat. She shoots me dirty looks when I make adjustments to the feet or head level, but she doesn’t run away. She’s enjoying the ride.