Entry September 5, 2004, Sunday

Penn State won, and that made me feel much better. Although I was up half the night with "intestinal discomfort". It lasted a few days last time I had this, so I'm not really concerned about it being a long-term problem.

I watched the Woody Allen movie "Radio Days", it was the late, late movie on channel 12. Playing the part of an 8-year-old Woody Allen was an 8 year-old Seth Green.

I may actually leave the house this evening for dinner at my sister-in-law's. It depends on how I feel. I get excited anytime I get to leave the house and NOT be going to the doctor.

I feel so stagnant sitting around the house all the time. I miss feeling useful, productive, able and strong. It drives me crazy when I can't perform even a simple chore around the house. I tried to change the bed sheets the other day and couldn't lift the corner of the mattress to finish the job. I can't clean the cat boxes because of my lowered immunity. I can't cut the grass because of the amount of effort it would take.

It's hard to garner the strength to fight this disease when I can hardly find the strength to water my pepper plants. It's frustrating to know that it's not the cancer that's beating me down, it's the freaking treatment. And to think, I'm tolerating the chemo poison much better than the average person does. I can't help but think about the effects this kind of chemo has on most other people.

All things considered, I'm very lucky, but it's hard to feel that way sometimes.