Sunday, 9/26 - That little itch could be telling you something... that you have cancer.

Doing OK today. Will be making a rare adventure outside the house today to do some food shopping. Gotta eat.

Last night and today are turning out to be stressful and worrisome. I am not looking forward to this week of tests and scans. Yes, it will let us know how much effect the chemo had on my condition. That info is what we've been waiting for.

It will also be the first real glimpse of my cancer since July. Up till now we've been going by blood work and gauging how I felt. I want to know, and I don't want to know.

I don't want to have to be put in a position where I have to make a serious decision about further treatment. I know I will eventually need to, but I don't want to do it this soon, while I'm still feeling weak. It is very important to me to get back to my "regularly scheduled life" for a while. If only for a while. I'm tired of sitting on the sidelines while watching everyone else play.

Once you have been touched by cancer, everything becomes cancer. Every pimple, every sore muscle, every unexplained twitch... it's all cancer. There's no shaking that notion. After 12 weeks of chemo, I have 100,000 side effects bouncing through my body. They're all cancer. This week's tests are just going to confirm it.

I know it's a silly way to think, but believe me, it's impossible not to. Just ask anyone that's been touched by cancer.