whole foods failure
Our trip to the Whole Foods market was a big failure. I was too weak to even make it through the produce section. I'm just a shell of myself.
I keep talking about feeling stronger every day. And I do. But even on my best days I'm operating at about 40% of my former self. I used to be strong enough to take care of me and my wife. Now I can't even take care of myself. I wish I could clench my fists and grit my teeth and explode from this trap. My old self is burried in here somewhere. I've lost the old eric and don't know how to get him back.
posted by L @ 8:53 PM
7 comments
7 Comments:
I can't imagine how tough it is for you, dude. I think about you every day...keep strong...we love you...the old Eric, the new Eric, the slightly used Eric...
Julius
“Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.” --Albert Einstein
Cee
(I'm still working thru these buttons... preview, publish, back, comment saved... Hey! I wasn't done!)
You are strong and brave inside -- it isn't buried. I see it in your blog! It won't be long before the outside strength catches up, even if you do it through sheer determination and will. BTW, maybe you remember this better, when the cartoon opened, didn't Felix the Cat sort of explode out of something and then just stand there with his bag of tricks?
Felix the Cat,
The wonderful, wonderful cat!
Whenever he gets in a fix
He reaches into his bag of tricks!
Felix the Cat,
The wonderful, wonderful cat!
You'll laugh so much your sides will ache
Your heart will go pit-a-pat
Watchin' Felix, the wonderful cat!
--Cee
Eric...I've been sitting on the sidelines since I was six years old and I'm still anxious to be in the game. I know how frustrated you must be and I suppose really pissed off as well. I know what it's like not to be able to take care of my wife. I know what it's like to rely on others for basic needs.
What comes through in your blog entries is your voice. I still remember some of our brief conversations and your incredibly dry humor. Believe me, even as you describe your exhaustion, your great sense of humor and optimism is still there, even under these unthinkable circumstances.
My best thoughts and wishes to you and Lyn. Keep fighting.
Bob L.
You said "I keep talking about feeling stronger every day. And I do."
Focus on the fact that you are getting stronger. Try, anyway. Try harder.
I hear the words of my friend Lap, who is dying of a terrible lung ailment. He always says: "I can choose to cry or I can choose to laugh. The choice is clear." Obviously, it's not that simple, but you gotta admit: he's got a good point there.
I do not fully know how difficult this fight is for you, and I certainly can't pretend to. You do have a community of people ready and willing to help you in whatever way we can. Call on us.
Thank you for all your support and encouragement. I sincerely appreciate it.
So far this struggle against cancer has been "80% half mental." Yeah, the original symptom was severe pain in the hip, and the chemo side effects were no walk in the park... BUT... the biggest effect challenge I've been fighting has been in my head.
I promise to continue to use this as a forum for my honest thoughts and feelings. As I continue to get used to expressing myself this way, things may get more honest than you may want to know. All I ask is that y'all don't abandon me as this gets harder.
I have faith that I'll never be alone. That is a gift that I cherish.
NEVER DOUBT: your friends, your family, those many people who love you will never abandon you. In it for the long haul...here for you always. Hang in there, Monkey. :) xoxoxox -- MH
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