Saturday, 1/15 - My back is back to being a jerk. I didn't hurt myself this time.

After all the things I said about being happy about the steroid levels coming down... my back decided to freak-out.

Coming home from work on Thursday night I was walking to the parking garage. My back started to hurt so badly I was beginning to think that I wasn't going to make it to the car three blocks away. Severe spasms were shooting up and down my back, but they were mostly centered at the same spot where I injured myself a few weeks ago.

I was sweating. I was grunting. I was holding onto each building as I passed. I couldn't stand up straight. I prayed that no one would bump into me. I was scared.

Funny thing, though, the further I walked, the better I felt. I did deep breathing exercises to relax the muscles. I whimpered.

I eased into the car and had a nice gingerly ride home. Once I was on the couch, I barely moved. I had a bout of stubbornness and tried to prepare dinner. Lyn insisted that I go lay down, but nnnooooooOOOOOOOooooo, I have to keep pushing myself. I did hit the couch again and Lyn prepared us some delicious omelets.

Later, I gathered up enough courage to go up to bed.
Up the stairs ok. Very slowly.
Into the bathroom ok. Tried to brush my teeth.... not happening.

The wave of spasms and blinding pain began and I barely made it into bed. Lyn was obviously very upset at my extreme display. There was nothing she could do to help me, and I couldn't talk to tell her anything.

It was awful.

I eventually did relax, once I took a number of goofballs.

I didn't leave the bed at all on Friday. No exaggeration. I did not, could not, get out of bed. After several consultations with the oncology team, they decided to raise the steroid level again, as well as for me to take more goofballs.

If the pain was to get worse... emergency room.
If my limbs went numb... emergency room.
etc

Today I am up and around. Apparently the changing levels of the steroid was the cause of, and solution to, my back problems. Right now I feel as good as I did on Tuesday.

The change between Thursday night and Saturday afternoon was extreme.

It was just enough to keep me very uneasy about my continued recovery. How many more episodes like this are going to blindside me each week? Are they going to get worse, meaning more intense and painful?

One axiom holds true. You never remember the pain.
You never forget the fact that you were IN pain, but the actual pain itself fades from your memory. That is a gift.