A good memory, some sound advice

Lyn writes:

I was weeding out old e-mails from my inbox today. I came across this one from Eric and wanted to share it with you. I remember when he sent it. I was having such a bad day at work and, as usual, my Eric knew just the perfect thing to say:

> From: Eric Chesna [mailto:EChesna@XXXXX.com]
> Sent: Thursday, May 06, 2004 9:21 AM
> To: lchesna@XXXXX.com
> Subject: Re: you!
>
>
> Yesterday, I was riding the elevator down. Two men got on from [the
> bank]. They were both older men, wearing suits and carrying
> briefcases that looked light and empty.
>
> They continued their conversation about someone they worked with.
> "It's funny how some people define themselves by their jobs."
> "yeah, that was me 20 years ago."
> "what changed?"
> "I realized that it wasn't really important."
> "yeah."
>
> The doors opened. I came home and made dinner with you.
>
> Wheee
> e

Wednesday, 3/30 - Photos to share

Posted by Lyn:

Been trying to keep myself busy. Feel so profoundly empty.

I scanned a bunch of photos of Eric before I had to return them to their owners. I've made an online photo album to share. You can see them by clicking here.

Monday, March 21 - A piece of me is missing...

Lyn again. I am so sorry I cannot contact each of you personally. The flow of love and support from all of you is amazing.

Eric passed away on Saturday evening, March 19th, just after 8 o'clock. He died here at home with his mom and I at his side and surrounded by family.

A memorial will be held on Saturday, March 26th. Calling hours are from 11 am to 12 pm at the Bringhurst Funeral Home/West Laurel Hill Cemetery's Chapel of Peace, 215 Belmont Ave., Bala Cynwyd, PA. A farewell service will immediately follow at noon.

Eric requested that in lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made to the Wellness Community of Philadelphia, Suzanne Morgan Center at Ridgeland, Chamounix Drive, West Fairmount Park, Philadelphia, PA 19131; www.twcp.org, or to the World Wildlife Fund, 1250 Twenty-Fourth Street NW, P.O. Box 97180, Washington, DC 20090-7180; www.worldwildlife.org.

My husband was the most amazing person I ever met. I am a different, better person because of him. I hope you will remember him fondly, too.

Wednesday, 3/16 - Nothing too new

Lyn here. Just thought I'd post a "hello" to everyone. Eric is hanging in there... He is not strong enough to get out of bed anymore and he sleeps an awful lot. But when he is awake he still jokes around in his usual corny way. He loves it when I read him his e-mail so please keep those stories about your world coming.

We've been watching LOTS of TV on the big ol' plasma... I am so glad we got that thing because Eric can actually see it still. Our favorites of late have been watching old Looney Tunes and Tom & Jerry on the Boomerang network, and Most Extreme Elimination Challenge (MXC) and old CSI's on Spike. SpongeBob Squarepants goes without saying... we tune into that regularly because we're silly, silly people. We also just finished watching the DVD set of "Firefly," a very short-lived TV series by Joss Wheadon (creator of the Buffy series). (Thanks for the loaner, Will & Lynne!) It was an excellent show, even though we never caught it when it was being broadcast. Sort of a space western... very character-driven, and not much like science fiction since there's no aliens, just people. Movies have also been a nice diversion. We highly recommend "Open Water" but didn't like "The Grudge" at all. The SpongeBob movie was pretty bad, too, although there were some funny moments. I finally saw "Life is Beautiful" and it was as great as I'd heard. Last night we watched one of the newer James Bond movies that we hadn't seen, after which Eric declared Halle Berry to be a fine-lookin' woman. :)

No new news on Eric's condition. Each day he is a bit weaker. His eyes hurt most of the time so it's hard for him to read, and he's got weird visual disturbances again. For the most part, he is not in pain and sleeps pretty soundly. These are important comforts for him.

Thank you for the letters and cards you've been sending. Eric is very touched when you share rememberances and such personal feelings... it is a beautiful thing for him to know these things while he is still with us.

I'm often asked how I am ... I'm doing the best I can. Taking care of Eric is tiring, but there is nothing that I would rather be doing than caring for him. I cherish every minute I can spend with him even if it's just fixing his wrinkled sheets! We have such wonderful support from family and I would really lose my mind without that. But I am OK. I've even been cooking a little bit because, although he can't eat it, Eric seems to enjoy the smell of food cooking in the house.

We've been sorting through tons of photographs lately. (Thanks to all of you who sent some!) So I'll leave you with one of the photos we love from our wedding day:



Until next time...

Tuesday, 3/8 -- Cancer Sucks.

It has been getting harder and harder to make my blog enties. It’s not because I have nothing to say, but rather the disease has zapped my energy that much. It is a very odd feeling to know that there is no exercise, diet, pill, shot or other physical thing that I can do to help bring my strength back.

This is one of the things that advancing cancer does. It steals energy and weight. It doesn’t care that it’s hurting its host.

I’ve stopped using that stairs, I can’t stand on my own, my limbs kinda flail around when I try to lift anything. No buckets of water, not even pillows.

I’ve been very grateful for all the visitors and e-mails of support. I try to respond as best I can, but iit takes a large amount to even get this blog out. Especially through te fog of morphine.

I’m up on pain killers more and more. Partially for pain management, but also because t helps my coughing. So long as I can control the coughing a little, I’m a much happier camper.

Visits: Call before coming over. The visits should be kept short. Don’t be put off if I don’t say anything. Don’t be insulted if fall asleep. And please don’t be insulted if we have to ask you to leave.

Bye for now

Friday, 3/3 - Back at the computer.

Thank you for all the wonderful notes, stories, e-mails, visits and cards. I am literally overwhelmed. I haven’t kept up with the blog these past few days because I didn’t even know where to begin.

I never knew that by sharing my experience with cancer would touch so many other lives. Maybe I’m kind of a thick headed dolt at times. Not seeing the forest for the trees, as they say.

All the love I’ve seen these past few months is amazing. It overshadows the disease. The pain and suffering is not as sharp as it could have been. It continues to help me deal with what might be coming down the path.

I’ve saved every e-mail I’ve gotten from y’all. I reread them often. I can’t reply to all, and I feel bad about that. I want you to know that I am reading them and taking their strength.

In health news
My hospital bed is wonderfully comfortable. They have an air mattress on the the top which makes me feel like I’m floating.
All my meals continue to go through the feeding tube. No problems there.
Weakness continues to be a problem, but that’s part of it all.
I’m too weak to climb stairs, so its good to have the bed on the first floor.

Overall, I’m stable.

Time for rest.

Tuesday, 3/1 -- I'm still the same schmoe I've always been.

I haven’t yet turned into a medical boogeyman. I’m not a scary looking shell of a human being. I’m still just Eric.

I’m much skinnier than before, but I’m no where near thin enough to pursue my life-long dream of being a runway model for Calvin Klein. He called me a fat pig.

So when you do see me, you needn’t brace yourself thinking that you’ll be looking at a famine victim.

I don’t have a tree of IV fluids hanging around me. Not a single IV bag. The feeding tube is hidden under my shirt. You can look at it if you’d like. I get squeamish, but the tube doesn’t bother me at all. It shouldn’t bother you either.

Depending on what day you see me, I may smell a little. I can’t shower everyday. But I’m not a stinky person to begin with, as far as I know. If I stink, we’ll light a candle.

We have food and adult beverages in the house specifically bought for you, our guests and visitors. So you can stay a while, have a snack, get drunk… whatever you feel.

I can’t talk above a whisper, so conversations have to be mostly one sided. That’s no big deal. I have a dry erase board for when I have a lot to say. Lyn also translates my voice for me.

All that wacky hospital equipment I came home with is off. I haven’t needed it.

If I have to pee while you’re visiting, it’s no big deal. We just kick everyone into the kitchen while I fill my vase. While in the kitchen, it’s a good time to take advantage of all that food I mentioned before. (By the way, you can eat in front of me. It doesn’t bother me.)

A great way to spend time with us is to watch a movie. We have a very nice TV and DVD system. Bring along your own movies, or chose from our collection.

The point is that I’m still me. I’m not what I used to be, but it’s still me. And Lyn has become the new Wonder Woman for this millennium. You will be blinded by the light and power that radiates from her hair, skin and eyes. You’ll marvel at her beauty and her presence. If you find her all-too-distracting, we have filtered sunglasses to help in that respect.

Oh yeah, we also have three cats. Prepare your allergies.

Hope to see you.
Just give a call to the house before heading out.
I hate to make things difficult, but I won’t give out our phone number here. E-mail me if you need it.